What's
Been "H"appening 09/28/03
by Bruce Hirsch, AGWA-Illinois Chapter H
Well that was one wicked Sunday morning to go out
riding...the sun gave little light and no comfort, and the temperatures
huddled in the basic 40's with a snarl of crosswinds, and the heartfelt
promise of cold and heavy rain before sundown...you had to be crazy to
crawl out of your nice warm bed to go riding motorcycles, and
Chapter H was well represented, as usual, by the lunatic fringe. 6
escaped mental patients gathered at Mickey D's, Righteous
Big Bruce Hirsch; Slim Larry Greco; Dapper Damien Shelton;
Gentleman George Riebesehl; and bringin up the rear, Rippin' Russ
Pritchard and Gentleman Joe Hughes, riding as dual tailgunners in a
early-pre-production GM Hummer 4+ (also known as the "HIV
Positive") outfitted with the "Urban Gorilla" option package including
flame throwers, mobile missile launchers, and small-scale tactical
nuclear battlefield weapons. Larry swung into the lead
and we fired up our snorting ponies (Wa-HOOO!)and headed out with
a song in our hearts, lumps in our throats, and tears in our eyes
from the wind-chill factor...we started knifing slightly south
westerly, 6 elderly boys on the loose, so local villages were
well-warned to lock up all their sheep, and loose women! We
paused momentarily at Fermilab in an unannounced snap evaluation
of their security arrangments, and we can say for a fact that
Fermilab is safe from all foreign terrorists, just as long as the
foreign terrorists remember to come disguised as bikers in small groups
during daylight hours using main roads, and yielding to the directions
of polite unarmed rent-a-a-cops...Larry led our happy band through
parts of the Midwest that weren't even awake yet, and we
stealthily slipped past all the laws, radars, and SOSAS warning nets,
and he brought our group safely to harbor near the Fox River
side at the legendary VFW Hall in Upper Batavia, where the food
was plentiful and cheap, the women buxom and friendly, and the
conversation stimulating...Joe Hughes regaled us all with tales of
how he had recently taken to using the 'loaner' Hummer as a kind
of high tech golf cart, and the previous weekend he had
fallen in with a mixed threesome and addled them so
thoroughly on the links, that by the end of 18 holes he not only had
all their money, but they had also paid for his golf game AND
supplied him with pitchers of beer...but I doubt if it was the golf, I
think it was just because they didn't want to head out to the country
club parking lot and find nothing but smoking craters where their
cars used to be...After breakfast we all headed out on our separate
ways with the inspirational words of the ancient biker still ringing in
our ears:
"As You Ride Through
Life--Stay Vertical For As Long As You Can!"